Updated: May 7, 2019
If you have worked with me in couples therapy, it's likely that you have heard me refer to marriage as an "Oreo" cookie. In my metaphor of the Oreo, I have said that you and your beloved spouse are simply two seperate cookies, that are connected by the creamy filling of two very important ingredients in your marriage......fun and good sex.
I imagine you are now thinking, "what the hell does that mean?".
Well, it means that similiar to an Oreo cookie without the creamy filling, a marriage that no longer enjoys having fun as a couple and is not enjoying good sex, is at increased risk of falling apart at some point.
These two aspects of your marriage are like an adhesive for the relationship. They build intimacy and connection. They cause the two of you to crave one another and seek each other. And.....they can both function as stress relievers. (Yes...it is true....I did not make this up).
The stress of the other necessary evils of marriage, such as kids (no, I am not calling your kids evil), finances, in-laws, work, etc., are unavoidable. Therefore, the long term prognosis of your marriage is highly dependent on how much quality time the two of you get as a couple and how much you enjoy that time together. Your creamy filling creates a resilience against the more stressful aspects of matrimony and family life. It keeps you drawing near to each other, even in times of stress.
I know that you have likely told yourself and possibly your spouse, "We just have to focus on the kids for NOW, and when they are raised and out of the home, we can focus on each other".
Thats a really bad idea!
Here's why that is a bad idea.....because if you don't take care of that marriage of yours, you likely won't make it 18 (or more years), because you won't like each other and one or both of you will be more likely to end the relationship.
Remember, anything that's valuable and important REQUIRES attention.
FYI....many couples divorce right before and shortly after their children leave for college.
So, I encourage you and your sweetie to be uber intentional to make time for fun, good sex, laugther, novelty, and shenanigans with each other (without your little cherubs present).
Also, maintenance couples therapy is also another great way to take care of and nurture your marriage. Coming into the office BEFORE problems arise is a preventative measure....not unsimiliar to our bi-yearly dental check-ups.
(I am hopeful you like me more than you like your dentist.....IJS.)
So, grab your "boo", a few Oreos and get to it. (Needless to say, I am encouraging you to have some really great sex!)
If you are having a difficult time in your marriage and your Oreo is missing it's filling, then perhaps it's time to get into the office so you can restore the filling in your Oreo :)
I look forward to seeing you!